Here I Am

Here I am, I have  never blogged so working my way through. I am fairly computer illiterate, learn as I go. So please have patience as I struggle to put this together. 

I have a long story that I will not bore you with, but will share bits and pieces . The main thing is that through many downs, very little support I have landed at a place that is peaceful, emotionally and physically.

My whole life I was manipulated and controlled. As a child and teenager, knowing nothing else, how was I suppose to know this was not normal?  I went through this part of my life doing what I was told to do when I was told to do it.  There was no consideration of my wishes, desires, plans.  My college was chosen for me, without my knowledge. My major was chosen for me. When I graduated I was told I had two weeks and would start to work and where I was going to work.  Friends were chosen. Was told who I could and could not date.  (Will come back to that later ) I wonder if and how my life would be different had I been able to follow my desires and been supported.

After I married, life circumstances were stressful.  I am talking MAJOR stress.  I was constantly in fight or flight mode.  Mostly fight.  I was fighting for my two children with disabilities.  Getting them through the school system was a daily fight.  Teachers were not following IEP, kids were handcuffed on special needs bus, permanent records were falsified, students slapped in face by special needs teacher, on and on and on.  Yes, I fought, would do it all over again for those two kids that have grown up to be contributing, functional adults in spite of their disabilities.  If I have done anything right in my life it is contributing to success of these two kids.  They far exceeded expectations of so called "professionals".

I fought many other personal battles. Took care of everyone else and their needs. Everyone but me. I was the strong one fighting the battles so no one could see I needed help. I truly lost myself. I went from 110 lbs to way way over.  Lost it and gained it back with more stress but now on the down slide of that and it will be permanent this time.

I remember about 10 years ago getting up one morning, looking in the mirror not recognizing anything about the person that was staring back at me.  Tears flowed.  It was not me physically and I no longer knew who I was.  At that moment my life began to change.  It has been a long journey and I am still in it.  It was a hard journey. The path was not easy. Many twist and turns.  But now the path is beautiful and filled with peace and joy.  I know there will be detours but no more derailments.

I wish this peace for all and hope this blog will encourage and inspire others.

I will continue with the events that have lead me to peace.  How I found my way. How I have let go of past.  

Please comment, ask questions, and most of all know that there is hope, peace and joy for all.

See you soon!