BUTTERFLY KISSES

This is my first known experience of communication from the other side.

I grew up around water. First visiting various lakes then moved to a lake when I was about 8. I was water skiing by time I was 3 and could swim like a fish. Growing up my brother and I always found peace around water. Then I got married to some one who could not swim, had not been in boat and anytime he got around water it was a disaster.  Therefore, my time around water became minimal.  I now wonder why I was willing to sacrifice something that was so much a part of me and who I was.

Fast forward 3 years to a beautiful day early March 2006.  My daughter loves to fish and I decided to take her to the river at a state park close by.

On the way to the park I picked up some hot dogs,  chips and a drink for a picnic. We were the only ones there that morning. My daughter is fishing. I am in the chair, sort of slumped with my legs stretched out in front of me, enjoying being out in fresh air, by the water, birds, etc and reading. I felt at home and so peaceful.  All of a sudden I heard a voice, " I am so glad you are taking time to be by water." I looked around, no one there. I knew it sounded like my brother. At this point I had not seen a butterfly and it was too early for them to be out. I looked around and said to myself. " Gary if that is really you send me a yellow butterfly ". I had to get specific with the color. I went back to reading my book, it was propped on my abdomen and blocked me from seeing my knees. Within 5 minutes I heard my daughter whisper for me to look at my knees ( I had not told her about the voice I heard ). I slowly lowered the book to my chest and there was a huge beautiful yellow butterfly sitting on my knee. It was all I could do not to gasp. It sat right there looking straight at me for a couple minutes. Then it started flying all around me landing on my head, shoulder, arm etc. then it disappeared. I continued to read and a small piece of paper fluttered out of the book. Yes the, little piece of wrapping paper that my brother had written on. I honestly didn't remember putting it there and no idea how it stayed there as many times as I had dropped it and lost bookmarks. An hour or so later we get ready to leave. There is a wooded path that opens up to a cleared picnic area. As we walk the butterfly appears in front of me, lands on my shoulder, looks directly at me, flew up to my lips as if to leave a kiss and flew out across the water just as we got to the clearing.  

I knew my brother had visited me.  It was so peaceful. I will never forget that day. Still have the book with the little piece of paper tucked inside and I still smile when a yellow butterfly comes to me.  

 I can't grieve because he is still here.  I can only feel the peace he sends. I know he watches over me and is guiding me.

Sunday is his birthday.  

Happy Birthday Gary. You were the free spirit that tried to tell me not to take life so serious. You finally succeeded.   We still have one thing to settle and you know what that is! But I truly know you are trying to help that situation too.   Much love and gratitude. 

"Taboo" To/Or "Not Taboo"

My grandmother introduced me to this world that was " taboo " I was not left alone with her alone very often.  It was best I not be exposed to what was " taboo". Certainly was not allowed to talk about it. I was young and had no idea I should be paying more attention and taking notes.  She would read coffee grounds in the bottom of a cup, read from a regular deck of cards, gather roots, leaves etc and looked for signs.  I was told not to listen to her.

I was in my late teens when I was visiting her and asked her to read the cards for me.  She told me three things would happen that week.  The first was that I would be stopped by police,  second was a friend was on a very long trip and I would find out about it the middle of the week. I don't remember the third one except that it did prove true.  I was stopped by police the very next day on my way back to college, the tail light Of my car was out.  The middle of the week I got word that a friend, serving in Vietnam Nam, had been hit with shrapnel , transported to a hospital in Japan, and was now on the way to Walter Reed.  No way this could have been known.  From then on I was a believer. Still didn't really understand.

It was  still "taboo" and I didn't know anything else except the ladies with crystal balls in movies, gypsies, fortune tellers etc.  Never heard the word medium. Certainly had no idea that I would ever have a connection with another realm.

My awakening, connection, awareness and understanding began about ten years ago when I met a medium who owned a natural health store.  I went in to get some vitamins.  She approached me and as she approached she gasped and reached for her chest. I asked if she was alright. She answered " yes but you aren't ".  She then basically told me my life, the disabilities of my children, the heartaches of my life.  She then apologized saying she usually didn't do that because in this town people would run her out thinking she was a witch. She explained she gasped because she could feel the pain in my heart.  I was intrigued as all she told me was accurate.  I still had no idea where this would lead.

We became friends and I listened and learned to pay attention.  Things began to happen that I had no explanation for.  I was becoming aware but didn't trust my gut. There have been others that have helped me on this journey, more about that later.

My life was still in turmoil, I was just existing, moving through time without peace and without joy.   I began to read, look, listen.  Then I had my first experience that I KNEW was not my imagination.

I always knew I had strong gut feelings but didn't know what it was, where it came from or how to use it. That changed.  I don't claim to be a medium. Messages have come through animals, dreams, and just knowing.  I have received a few messages for other people and they proved accurate. I don't know who was more amazed, me or them.  I know my grandmother is smiling with pride  as she says " yes, you are like me".  I also know she is guiding me on this journey. It is about awareness and trusting.

Will see you tomorrow to tell you about that first experience.  It will be followed by other experiences that gave me understanding, changed my life and lead me to peace and joy.

.

Here I Am

Here I am, I have  never blogged so working my way through. I am fairly computer illiterate, learn as I go. So please have patience as I struggle to put this together. 

I have a long story that I will not bore you with, but will share bits and pieces . The main thing is that through many downs, very little support I have landed at a place that is peaceful, emotionally and physically.

My whole life I was manipulated and controlled. As a child and teenager, knowing nothing else, how was I suppose to know this was not normal?  I went through this part of my life doing what I was told to do when I was told to do it.  There was no consideration of my wishes, desires, plans.  My college was chosen for me, without my knowledge. My major was chosen for me. When I graduated I was told I had two weeks and would start to work and where I was going to work.  Friends were chosen. Was told who I could and could not date.  (Will come back to that later ) I wonder if and how my life would be different had I been able to follow my desires and been supported.

After I married, life circumstances were stressful.  I am talking MAJOR stress.  I was constantly in fight or flight mode.  Mostly fight.  I was fighting for my two children with disabilities.  Getting them through the school system was a daily fight.  Teachers were not following IEP, kids were handcuffed on special needs bus, permanent records were falsified, students slapped in face by special needs teacher, on and on and on.  Yes, I fought, would do it all over again for those two kids that have grown up to be contributing, functional adults in spite of their disabilities.  If I have done anything right in my life it is contributing to success of these two kids.  They far exceeded expectations of so called "professionals".

I fought many other personal battles. Took care of everyone else and their needs. Everyone but me. I was the strong one fighting the battles so no one could see I needed help. I truly lost myself. I went from 110 lbs to way way over.  Lost it and gained it back with more stress but now on the down slide of that and it will be permanent this time.

I remember about 10 years ago getting up one morning, looking in the mirror not recognizing anything about the person that was staring back at me.  Tears flowed.  It was not me physically and I no longer knew who I was.  At that moment my life began to change.  It has been a long journey and I am still in it.  It was a hard journey. The path was not easy. Many twist and turns.  But now the path is beautiful and filled with peace and joy.  I know there will be detours but no more derailments.

I wish this peace for all and hope this blog will encourage and inspire others.

I will continue with the events that have lead me to peace.  How I found my way. How I have let go of past.  

Please comment, ask questions, and most of all know that there is hope, peace and joy for all.

See you soon!